Funnel

For some reason I presumed I’ve gone crazy or maybe I am. I hoped so, at leased somehow I know that there is something wrong with me. I experienced extreme sadness and happiness in one day (I had never experienced this before). Oh, boy have I gone Bipolar? One time I was at the restaurant and I saw somebody whom I felt have known from before. This happened to me several times. Different places, different time, different scenario. All gave me the feeling of gush. I met this guy from South Korea a month ago and the first time I saw him, I suddenly felt that I’ve seen him before. Alright stop right there. This guy is from South Korea and it’s the first time that he’s been here in my City and more vaguely my Region. There is no way I’ve seen this man before, neither have I been to his country either. Oh my, what is wrong with me? Am I a precog or something? What the heck!!! This is complete asinine (please excuse the language) I don’t know I just don’t know…what’s going on with me now. Will somebody smack me in the head and tell me to go to a mental institution. I would really appreciate it.

It's getting cold

It is so hard to hold on to something that you know you don’t have any future with and don’t have any past nor any present. This is exactly how I felt now. There was this guy at the camp (it was actually a 8 days survival training camp) that I like and today is our 6th day on training. Which is actually ridiculous because I got only 2 days left to see him. I didn’t realize that I liked him until yesterday, guess it was to late. I don’t know, maybe its better this way. After 2 days I would not be seeing him and this hole thing that I felt would just completely fade. This morning when I arrived at the usual meeting place I was the one who made the first move. I smiled and greeted him and which was reciprocated; I felt good about that. I thought that simple gesture would served as an ice breaker, but I was very wrong. Lunch passed and still no single word from him until 3 PM that we were about to be dismissed still nothing. In a greater sense I always try to understand men. I know that most of them are shy when it comes to situations like this. But I don’t know this one, I don’t have any clue. Sometimes during lectures I would caught him looking at me or there are times that I was the one looking at him. There would be instances that our eyes would meet and I would be the first one to look away. Geez, I just hate this!!! I hate the fact his clouding up my mind and I can’t think clearly. This is one of the reasons why I always follow my logical thoughts rather than what my heart tells me. I have a sound mind than a sound heart. That’s just how things work for me.

I thought So

I thought if I work hard today, I should not worry about tomorrow; knowing the everything depends on the present.
I thought if certain aspect of my life is OK, the rest will follow.

Though there maybe a lot of unforeseen circumstances, I try my best to control it and withstand it.
I'm not whining about life and I don't have any reason to be angry to God, because whenever good things happen I fail to recognize that as a blessing from Him.

If my life would be a movie, it would be a platonic film and everyone would come out of the movie house saying: BORING in unison. I wanna break free from this heft of morbidity that has been eating me for the past 3 years. It's like a cycle; different start but I always end up at the same ending.

Crackpot

I'm suppose to be blogging a different topic, but then this is what you get when you blog from work (You tend to talk about work related topics as well). Plus the fact that I was disgusted by a co-worker's behavior when I arrived.


So, I had this female co-worker who's a complete bleak. She never talks to me (not even a mere Hi!!) since day 1 that I started working. But I was OK with that, I mean as long as she's not doing anything against me; then I don't mind at all.

One time, when I arrived at the office I saw a lot applicants at the reception area. Then I saw my former co-worker as one of the applicants. So I approached him and we had a brief conversation. Then all of a sudden this "female co-worker" passed by me and greeted me Hi!! (with a bubbly intonation). So I was like; Oh, Hi!!, But at the back of my mind I was ????. What the Hell? Now you're talking to me? (please excuse the cursing). I didn't really pay much attention to that and I went on with my day.

Weeks passed and I haven't seen her that much for she often stays in her cube. Not until last night when I saw "her" at the reception area. When I opened the door to the Entrance, she was the first person I saw then she threw a glance at me; so I smiled to her as a form of greeting. But all she did was the most awkward and obvious LOOK AWAY that I have ever seen. What the freak is wrong with her? It's situations like this that I think to myself: People like "HER" makes the world a difficult place to live in. On the other hand, they spice up living.

People similar to her carry trash with them, and they tend to throw they're trash to other people that has a sunny disposition and those trash are what we call anxiety, insecurity, jealousy and they want you to feel the same after they leave you with their trash.
Well, she ain't getting up my head. I won't allow that to happen. .

I have so much love in me; for me to pay more attention to that frivolous girly predicament.





Show a gentle attitude toward everyone.
Philippians 4:5

The Clock is Ticking

Work is not just all about earning money, it also defines our existence.

I don’t like being lethargic these days. I always feel tired like crazy. I always woke up late and spend the rest of my day at the computer. How lame is that?

I now have a new job; I work as an English Teacher (in which I have come to really like). Actually, I started last Feb 16. So it’s been 3 weeks now since I started. I work from 7pm-10:30pm since I’m on probationary. I will be considered full time after 3 months, I guess I don’t have a choice but to wait.

I don’t like the idea of me wasting time; I’m not getting any younger. I wasted too much time already. When I was in first grade I drop out of school because I was being bullied and going to school was no longer fun for me plus the fact that I don’t have any friends; everyday had been so arduous for me. A year later, I transferred school in a different town and repeated 1^st Grade. Every time I look back, I don’t have any idea as to why my mom allowed my stupid decision.

This is also the result of me, graduating a year behind my batch.

I think this whole thing that happened to me 13 years ago reflected on my out look in life. That if there is one thing that I constantly put off doing that would be sleeping. I know how essential it is for everyone to sleep but I don’t want wasting my time taking a nap every afternoon, while I could be out there making money and being productive.

I felt like time has passed me and without any significant achievement. My life is always in a state of trance.

Eavesdrop

I hate it when somebody tries to eavesdrop on other people's conversation. I hate it more when they try to judge you base on what they heard.

Not so long ago, I was at the airport waiting for my scheduled flight. As I was sitting in the waiting area; I bumped in to a conversation with some of the people that was there. Chairs were positioned back to back, so I was aware that somebody's sitting at the back part as to where I am sited and I also come to know that he is listening because I know that he is listening. Then, after the whole conversation was over. He stood up and walked pass me, the he turned his back and looked at me for 5 seconds.

Well, I was in a friendly mood so I smiled at him (but he did not acknowledge). Then he went back and threw that, weird look at me again. It makes me want to punch him on the face. Argh!!

It's situations like this that I get really agitated. As to how naive (some) grownups can be sometimes. Stupid Guy!!

Free your mind

I got this question from a certain blog. I find it really interesting. I think people ask a lot of question, but these are questions that are seldom questioned.

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

- I would not bother knowing if I don't how old I am. I would probably look at the mirror and say: I think I'm not yet on my 30's.

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?

- Never trying. Although failing is much more painful, however nothing can be more painful than spending your time contemplating what could have been.

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

- This is really though. There are a lot of factors as to why this is happening. Sometimes there are things we do that we don't like because that is best for us or we're trying not to disappoint somebody or maybe we're just afraid of what the out come would be.

4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

-I always equip myself with doing, let others do the talking.

5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

-Well, I would want all the loud mouth people and all the narrow minded people and all the self centered people and all the bad people to live in the other side of the planet. So all the good people could live in harmony.

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

-A Zoo keeper.

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

- I'm not settling for anything I have right now (work and situation wise). I know that my life is a work on progress. I still opt for a better tomorrow.

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

- I trust everything to God. Although I sometimes fret about growing old. I know that all of us has a purpose here on earth. Weather I subconsciously fulfilled that or not, it's all up to him.

9. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?

- I will politely tell them, that I know the person that they're talking about and I will correct all they're wrong assumptions towards that person.

10. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

- I suck at giving advices, but here it goes. Watch what grownups are doing and learn from their mistakes.

11. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?

- I always trust my first instinct and what I mean of first instinct; it seldom change.

12. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?

- Let's accept the fact that, there are other people that sucks the happiness out of others because they lead a miserable life and they want you to have one as well.

13. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What's holding you back?

- Financial issue.

14. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

- Joyful simpleton

15. Why are you, you?

-Because this is what makes me, me.

Money!!

Oh money, the life giving juice of society!
It brings us its blessings of every variety
It softens the blows that lifetime delivers,
it favors the brave and it crowns achievers.

It render us free from oppression by jerks,
From mocking, and put downs, and scolding and smirks.
It let us but tickets and travel way
From where we're not not welcome but are forced to just stay.

From creditor's letters and big ugly burbs,
From all that don't matter, from stuff that disturbs,
To wide sandy beaches and azure blue waters,
Away from the smoke of ten million motors.

With money it all starts to fall into place.
No longer respect is what you have to chase.
It follows you like an afternoon shadow
Thank money, it makes you a prince from a pad ow.

With money, all people will treat you much better,
As you are no longer society's debtor.
Sweet smiles on you they will now bestow,
Obsequious look in their eyes then will glow.

And women for getting your age and your weight,
Your looks and your height and your bald, shining pate,
For in their minds, you are now a star.

Oh, how pathetic society is!
A "Miss" is now where there used to be "Ms."
For quickly they learned that you've got all this dough,
and then they appear from above and below.

From freedom, for joy and enjoyment of senses,
Don't waste precious time chasing empty luscious green money
And soon you'll be hugging a cute Playboy bunny.

As long as you are here on our green Earth,
And want to be living in freedom and mirth,
Devote your existence to dollar and pound
For cash makes the world goes smoothly round.

Looking back

So, I had recently resigned from my job (Jan 16, 2010) and I am officially unemployed for a week now. How stupid could that ever be? I quit from my job without nothing to fall back into. I sort of feeling regret that I quit early, I could have waited till the end of the month (that case I'd still be able to get my last salary) or at least find a new job before quitting.

But well I guess I was clouded by my emotions, that I wasn't thinking of the out come. All I knew is that I wanted to get out of there.

I worked as a customer service representative in Dish Network. The longer I stay there the more stressful it gets and the more worn out I become. Plus the fact that I work on grave yard shift (from 10pm to 9am). Plus some other factors that are to personal to mention. Though the wage is something I can not complain about.

I'm a people pleaser. It takes a pound for me to admit that. This is probably the first time I profess such behavior of me.

When I resigned from my job, I did make it a point that I'm in good terms with everyone. I know that some are disappointed, because I had only worked there for 3 months then all of a sudden I'm gonna leave (especially that I had made friends with most of my co-workers). I don't want them to think I just deign to work.

But I don't wanna look back. You make decisions and you don't look back. A thought is just a thought; it can't hurt me. Whenever the thought cross my mind I would shift my attention and occupied myself with other things.

Before when I was way younger I used to have extreme contempt whenever I' m caught up to situations like this . Coz I'm a people pleaser that's why. But now, for all I care. They can think whatever they want to think. I haven't done anything wrong as far as I know. In fact, I had done myself a favor when I resigned from my job.

One thing I like about growing old; bit by bit teenage angst grew less.