!@#$%^&^&

Waking up at random hours in the middle of the night. Sleep at 10PM, up at 3AM. Logged in at FACEBOOK just to check if some friends are online or if there are interesting wall post I can read. Only to realize its freakin 3:00 in the morning. Now its 12:45 AM and I just woke up from a roughly 4 hour sleep. Then I would have to wait for the time my mind to feel sleepy again and my body would just religiously retire to bed. For the time being I would find ways to amuse myself. Sometimes by eating, but mostly by surfing the net. I always struggle my way through the night. If only people can see what's inside of me, then perhaps they would have a different notion of me.

Funnel

For some reason I presumed I’ve gone crazy or maybe I am. I hoped so, at leased somehow I know that there is something wrong with me. I experienced extreme sadness and happiness in one day (I had never experienced this before). Oh, boy have I gone Bipolar? One time I was at the restaurant and I saw somebody whom I felt have known from before. This happened to me several times. Different places, different time, different scenario. All gave me the feeling of gush. I met this guy from South Korea a month ago and the first time I saw him, I suddenly felt that I’ve seen him before. Alright stop right there. This guy is from South Korea and it’s the first time that he’s been here in my City and more vaguely my Region. There is no way I’ve seen this man before, neither have I been to his country either. Oh my, what is wrong with me? Am I a precog or something? What the heck!!! This is complete asinine (please excuse the language) I don’t know I just don’t know…what’s going on with me now. Will somebody smack me in the head and tell me to go to a mental institution. I would really appreciate it.

It's getting cold

It is so hard to hold on to something that you know you don’t have any future with and don’t have any past nor any present. This is exactly how I felt now. There was this guy at the camp (it was actually a 8 days survival training camp) that I like and today is our 6th day on training. Which is actually ridiculous because I got only 2 days left to see him. I didn’t realize that I liked him until yesterday, guess it was to late. I don’t know, maybe its better this way. After 2 days I would not be seeing him and this hole thing that I felt would just completely fade. This morning when I arrived at the usual meeting place I was the one who made the first move. I smiled and greeted him and which was reciprocated; I felt good about that. I thought that simple gesture would served as an ice breaker, but I was very wrong. Lunch passed and still no single word from him until 3 PM that we were about to be dismissed still nothing. In a greater sense I always try to understand men. I know that most of them are shy when it comes to situations like this. But I don’t know this one, I don’t have any clue. Sometimes during lectures I would caught him looking at me or there are times that I was the one looking at him. There would be instances that our eyes would meet and I would be the first one to look away. Geez, I just hate this!!! I hate the fact his clouding up my mind and I can’t think clearly. This is one of the reasons why I always follow my logical thoughts rather than what my heart tells me. I have a sound mind than a sound heart. That’s just how things work for me.

I thought So

I thought if I work hard today, I should not worry about tomorrow; knowing the everything depends on the present.
I thought if certain aspect of my life is OK, the rest will follow.

Though there maybe a lot of unforeseen circumstances, I try my best to control it and withstand it.
I'm not whining about life and I don't have any reason to be angry to God, because whenever good things happen I fail to recognize that as a blessing from Him.

If my life would be a movie, it would be a platonic film and everyone would come out of the movie house saying: BORING in unison. I wanna break free from this heft of morbidity that has been eating me for the past 3 years. It's like a cycle; different start but I always end up at the same ending.

Crackpot

I'm suppose to be blogging a different topic, but then this is what you get when you blog from work (You tend to talk about work related topics as well). Plus the fact that I was disgusted by a co-worker's behavior when I arrived.


So, I had this female co-worker who's a complete bleak. She never talks to me (not even a mere Hi!!) since day 1 that I started working. But I was OK with that, I mean as long as she's not doing anything against me; then I don't mind at all.

One time, when I arrived at the office I saw a lot applicants at the reception area. Then I saw my former co-worker as one of the applicants. So I approached him and we had a brief conversation. Then all of a sudden this "female co-worker" passed by me and greeted me Hi!! (with a bubbly intonation). So I was like; Oh, Hi!!, But at the back of my mind I was ????. What the Hell? Now you're talking to me? (please excuse the cursing). I didn't really pay much attention to that and I went on with my day.

Weeks passed and I haven't seen her that much for she often stays in her cube. Not until last night when I saw "her" at the reception area. When I opened the door to the Entrance, she was the first person I saw then she threw a glance at me; so I smiled to her as a form of greeting. But all she did was the most awkward and obvious LOOK AWAY that I have ever seen. What the freak is wrong with her? It's situations like this that I think to myself: People like "HER" makes the world a difficult place to live in. On the other hand, they spice up living.

People similar to her carry trash with them, and they tend to throw they're trash to other people that has a sunny disposition and those trash are what we call anxiety, insecurity, jealousy and they want you to feel the same after they leave you with their trash.
Well, she ain't getting up my head. I won't allow that to happen. .

I have so much love in me; for me to pay more attention to that frivolous girly predicament.





Show a gentle attitude toward everyone.
Philippians 4:5

The Clock is Ticking

Work is not just all about earning money, it also defines our existence.

I don’t like being lethargic these days. I always feel tired like crazy. I always woke up late and spend the rest of my day at the computer. How lame is that?

I now have a new job; I work as an English Teacher (in which I have come to really like). Actually, I started last Feb 16. So it’s been 3 weeks now since I started. I work from 7pm-10:30pm since I’m on probationary. I will be considered full time after 3 months, I guess I don’t have a choice but to wait.

I don’t like the idea of me wasting time; I’m not getting any younger. I wasted too much time already. When I was in first grade I drop out of school because I was being bullied and going to school was no longer fun for me plus the fact that I don’t have any friends; everyday had been so arduous for me. A year later, I transferred school in a different town and repeated 1^st Grade. Every time I look back, I don’t have any idea as to why my mom allowed my stupid decision.

This is also the result of me, graduating a year behind my batch.

I think this whole thing that happened to me 13 years ago reflected on my out look in life. That if there is one thing that I constantly put off doing that would be sleeping. I know how essential it is for everyone to sleep but I don’t want wasting my time taking a nap every afternoon, while I could be out there making money and being productive.

I felt like time has passed me and without any significant achievement. My life is always in a state of trance.

Eavesdrop

I hate it when somebody tries to eavesdrop on other people's conversation. I hate it more when they try to judge you base on what they heard.

Not so long ago, I was at the airport waiting for my scheduled flight. As I was sitting in the waiting area; I bumped in to a conversation with some of the people that was there. Chairs were positioned back to back, so I was aware that somebody's sitting at the back part as to where I am sited and I also come to know that he is listening because I know that he is listening. Then, after the whole conversation was over. He stood up and walked pass me, the he turned his back and looked at me for 5 seconds.

Well, I was in a friendly mood so I smiled at him (but he did not acknowledge). Then he went back and threw that, weird look at me again. It makes me want to punch him on the face. Argh!!

It's situations like this that I get really agitated. As to how naive (some) grownups can be sometimes. Stupid Guy!!