Dead Line

It’s probably inappropriate to conclude what has happened this year, even though the year is almost over. But so much has happened. This year a lot of people that I know personally, passed away. I’m unfortunate enough to have witnessed a lot of deaths in my life. I grew up seeing my whole family in great shape. Both my Grandparents from both side of my parents have been a great part of my life. I admit as a child, I used to think that death is like a figment of ones imagination and if it was true, it does not affect everyone. I remember when I was in 1^st grade my classmates used to talk about their grandparents, as to how many grandparents they have left and how it died and other petty stuffs kids talk about. Deep inside as I take part of that conversation, I felt so proud. Proud in a way that death will never hit my family. At least……

It was not later in my 6^th grade that my maternal grandmother died. Then when I was in High School my maternal grandfather died. Then when I was in college 3^rd year I suppose, my paternal grandfather died. It’s like seeing them fall one by one like a soldier gone to war and never came back. When this entire incident happened I felt like death or life in general has some sort of pattern. That in every chapter of my life I would always lost a valuable person. But I guess as you go along you’d realize a lot o things. Like life is all about uncertainty and randomness. Things happen as they happen. There’s no such thing as patterns or a line that needs to be followed. I sure miss them alright. Even until now I still have a clear memory of them in my head. Sometimes when I think about them I would still cry. Oh, how I greatly miss them.

Recently about a couple of weeks ago, our neighbor died after a year of battling from colon cancer. First she was diagnosed of ovarian cancer back in 08, then she became cancer free after half a year of Radiotherapy and Chemotherapy. 3 months passed she complaints of passing gas all the time and difficulty removing her bowel. When she had her medical checked up, she was diagnosed of colon cancer. She used to call my mother often and talk about her condition. I felt so sadden about her passing. She was 49 years old, a year older than my mother and her daughter and I were childhood friends. I can’t imagine what is life like without a mother; especially in such a tender age.

When we visited her wake, I felt more depressed seeing her lying in that coffin than seeing my grandparents in their coffins. Maybe it’s because somehow I have this notion that they are old, and that it’s more easier to accept their death.

I find death strange in a way. How it robs you when you’re asleep and how it surprises you when you’re awake. I am not afraid of death, it’s the nature of dying that I’m more afraid of. I know that when I had full field my purpose here on earth my life is over…. ready or not.

I would be very glad to meet our Creator. But for now, I can say that I haven’t yet accomplished that purpose. When the time came that I felt complete inside then I guess I’m close to that.