Laceration of Dreams

>

When we were kids we used to have so many dreams and it kind of change as we progress. So I have listed my dreams, from the day I gained my consciousness, up till present.

Nun

I so wanted to become a nun when I was in grade school. I recon, this would be the only way I could be closer to God and repay Him, from all my sins. I though, that it would be nice to study God’s life and have a deep understanding of Christianity. Until I learned that, nuns live in a convent and lead a life of seclusion (away from family and friends, plus you don’t get to see them anytime you want). Then I digress from becoming one. I realized that, I could do all these by just becoming an ordinary person.

Priest

This is one of the spur of the moment dream. I was hearing a mass one Sunday morning and the priest (probably in his late 70’s) is delivering the most boring sermon. I can’t even understand what he’s saying coz he’s mumbling he’s words. I felt sorry for him though, I mean he’s too old to still able to hold a mass. How I wanted to take over his place and make the whole Eucharist buoyant. I am aware that there aren’t any FEMALE clergy, but hey! A dream is just a dream until you go for it. I’m not pushing it anyway.

Doctor

Now this is the only dream that hasn’t really changed over the course of time (even until now). The smell of sterility, the color white, and the very idea of being knowledgeable about life (literally) excites me. I love to work in a hospital someday. This is what I’ve seen my self doing in the near future.

Pilot

If aviation school wouldn’t be that frekin expensive, I could have been a pilot by now. I’ve always love the thought of flying.

Singer

Maybe I could still pursue this career someday. This is a God given talent; I can’t just leave it to rot. Though having a career in show business has too many uncertainties. Everything is a risk, being involved in the whole business realm.

Actor

I don’t have any idea why I have included this on the list. I’m not really after with the whole fame thing. As I have always prefer to working behind the limelight. I love how actors inspire people by the characters they portray. I hope someday I could play a role in a movie that would forever inspire people. Like the character Jaime Sullivan, in the movie A WALK TO REMEMBER, Frank Abagnale in the movie CATCH ME IF YOU CAN, Benjamin Button in the movie, THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON, Jamal Malik in the movie SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE, Chris Gardner in the movie THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.

Heavy load

I felt like crying today. But I know that I can’t. I have learned how to hold back my tears for so many months now. The truth is that, my feminine sides never really cease to fail. It’s not that I want to be insensitive or something. It’s just hard to keep up with the boys sometimes. My brothers will never understand everything that I’m going through and I don’t expect them to do so. It’s either they’re too young to understand or too stupid not to.
All these time I’m always the one who reach out. I know I have to… they’re my family.

All these thoughts make my head ache and I think I’m going to have a coronary. Whenever I tried to profess my feelings towards things or just a mere thought of opinion, everybody thinks that I’m pulling out a drama queen mode (in which I don’t technically understand).
I’m very much consumed my all these mix emotions that I have. This makes me feel really incongruous inside. Why does it always have to be me?
Me do the laundry…me do the dishes… me MUST know how to cook.
Why is that?
Because I’m a girl??
Since when did gender become an issue when it comes to doing the chores?
I don’t only have to clean my room. I have to clean theirs too. Not because I was asked to, but because I want to. Every time I enter their room it’s always a mess and I can’t stand dirty places so I clean it up for them. How cool is that? See what I’m talking about?
Plus the fact that I always perform the tasks that was not asks of me to do. That kind of adds up to the whole dilemma.

1/8 of worlds pleasure

I unintentionally lost 5lbs in an amazing 4 days. I don't feel good about it. I felt so light... I think I am light. I admit it's my fault though. I barely eat these days. I don't like home cooked meals anymore; it's not nutritious. We barely had vegetables these days. I don't like to eat fried foods and pork as well (the latter doesn't have to do with the current outbreak) it's not nutritious. We barely had vegetables these days. Actually, I just want to pay more attention to my health and give my body a little bit of a favor. I'm gonna go vegan for about a week. Well maybe if I do good then, I could go for another week. Who knows?.
I've put in so much thought about this. I know this is a commitment I should make. In all seriousness I know this is tough for me, since I'm not really used to following a certain course meal. I would usually devour anything that's on the table. I was thinking of visiting my cousin in Hong Kong over the summer. In that case I could force myself in eating healthy foods with no word of protest. Even though majority of the Chinese foods smells like medicine (no offense though). I would be looking forward to eating tofu
and birds nest soup.
Basically it does not depict any taste at all. It seems like you're eating water... tasteless. I don't know how you could imagine eating water. But that's the closest taste I could relate it to. So let the trek begin. I hope I could progress with great sense of conviction.